Michael, today is so painful, I can hardly write. On your last birthday in 2014, I sent you a message that I love you very much and you are my only sibling in the whole world and I hope that this year brings wonderful things for you. Its unbelievable, isn't it? Your life was so precious. What happened? Our lives are so utterly poor now. I cannot think of you yet and experience any wistful feelings of joy and nostalgia. Instead, every thought of you, every picture of you, every memory brings terrible pain and panic. I am so very sorry, and so very sad that you should be living your life. And having your birthday today.